Self Conscious About Social Media

I feel like I am several different people in one, and none of them is very confident or certain who they want to be.

So there is my “real” Facebook account, on which I am friends with a few people that I know/mostly knew in real life, including my in-laws.  They are such a sarcastic, uncaring, judgmental, comparing bunch.  I don’t even want to be known by them.  My husband is also quite sarcastic.  I have gotten upset enough that he tones it down a bit.  I am too sensitive?

I am so over the friendly ribbing people do to one another.  It is just meanness disguised as what…social fun.  Bleh.  Should those kind of people only spend time with one another.  Then we would all be happier?

So my “real” Facebook account has been deactivated for a long time.  I recently felt the need to go on there and unfriend a bunch of people from high school that I haven’t talked to since we graduated, and with whom I was never very good friends to begin with.

I also unfriended an old college friend who at one point I was close with, but then I got too needy and annoying so she started ignoring me.  I’m not sure why she FB friended me in the first place – just for looky loo-ing I’m guessing.

Then I started thinking about her a bunch and got annoyed by it.  Is it because she is thinking about me?  I’m guessing she probably didn’t even notice my unfriending, so it’s probably all me.  But then do you believe that if someone is thinking about you, then they will catch the vibe from the universe and start thinking about the person who is thinking about them?  I don’t know.  Maybe.

Then I have another FB account where I follow subjects and people that I’m actually interested in, spiritual stuff, whatever, things that I know the sarcastic in-laws will scoff at.  I have “friends” on there, but they are mostly random people that I met through a FB group about awakening.  They aren’t really friends at all.

Then I could get started on Twitter.  So I created a Twitter account a while ago, and to my dismay, some of my in-laws found me on there and followed me.  Bleh.

So I started a new Twitter account…but I was thinking of following people who are breatharians…and of course that kind of stuff is considered batshit crazy to most people and….meh…I should start another Twitter account just for that perhaps?!?

It’s tempting to stay off of social media all together, but then I need a little bit of a fix.  I’m not an addict, I just need a sip or two – ha.

This blog isn’t doing it for me.  I’m too whiny/annoying/negative to be popular on WordPress.  I would try to interact more and leave comments, but then I’m not sure I even want people to click back and look at this blog.  It’s supposed to be all about rainbows and sunshine if I want random people to read it.

Also the mental health professionals start following the blog.  That’s always encouraging.  I know I don’t sound like the most mentally healthy person, but please don’t pretend that you’re actually interested in reading my blog.

I sound pretty prickly today.  Hopefully no one will read this.  I don’t think it will be a problem.



The Disconnected Empath….hmm…Want to Start a Psychic Development Group?

When you start reading books about empaths, you see some common themes.  One such theme/experience that many empaths seem to describe is the random stranger who decides to tell them their entire sad life story.  In essence, that person dumps all of their bad juju on them for no particular reason.  They felt “comfortable” around them, or something like that.

I’m guessing some people like this and some people don’t.  It’s never really happened to me.  I think I most likely exude a rather closed off energy that would discourage that kind of thing.

So does that mean that I am not actually an empath?

The way that I came to realize that I was an empath was actually sort of scientific.  I was at a psychic development type meeting and yes, was feeling rather skeptical about it.  A few weird things had happened to me that made me decide to check out such a thing.

One person would sit in the center of a circle and we would all try to tune in to their energy.  At first I had no luck with the exercise.  But then I really tried to focus my energy in and started to feel strong emotions, mostly sadness, some happiness, a little dizziness and pain.  But the strongest emotion was sadness, feeling like crying for no reason with a couple of people.  I didn’t really know how to feel about this.

For a while I thought that this skill must be useful somehow.  It’s got to be part of my life purpose and such, right?

But I’m not sure I want to tune in to people’s bad juju, not for a living anyway.  I would like to explore this more, but I feel ashamed and unworthy of such pursuits.

I need a mentor, but of course, don’t feel like I merit one.

So many garbage limiting beliefs in my head to overcome.

Does anyone out there want to try to connect to energy/emotions remotely?

It’s all fascinating but scary at the same time.

I could try to connect to your energy if you’d like?  Remotely or in person.  Although you probably live in Tanzania or somewhere far so…you know how that goes.

Free of charge?  Anyone want to start a psychic development group?  I wasn’t planning on taking this blog entry here, but what the heck.

If you have any experiences you’d like to share, even if you have no interest in a group or anything, add them to my comments.  Come on, you know you want to!

The People Who Energize You and the Ones Who Drain You

I’m finding more and more lately that most of the people in my life are draining.  I really just want to be alone most of the time.


What is the lesson that I need to learn from this?

I know that I have been that person in a big way: the person who is needy and makes you feel responsible for their well-being and…to my credit, I did realize that I was this way.  I took actions to not be this way.  I disconnected from people and found things that made me happy because the people around me weren’t really capable of doing so.  It wasn’t their responsibility anyway.  I was an energy vampire and I knew it.

But I seem to become more and more acutely aware of other people around me who are energy vampires.  They don’t fit one mold however.  They each drain energy and life force in their own unique way and for their own unique reasons.  I know at times I can still be an energy vampire.  But I try not to be.  I think I need a lot of recharging.  So when I am around other people in a depleted state I can probably be extra draining to them.

Life is all about energy exchange and finding a balance that works for you.  It’s not always easy in this super energy draining, soul sucking world.

There is my deep thought for the day.

Why is Authenticity So Important? And Gabor Mate is My New Hero!

The short answer?  It’s because the effort it takes to suppress your genuine emotions weakens your body and suppresses your immune system, thus leading to disease, and in many cases, death.  DEATH!

Is that an extreme way of putting it?

So every time you tell your kids to bottle up their real feelings and be the good little girl/boy you want them to be, you are doing them a great disservice.

So I have been struggling lately with having a lot of negative feelings about my mom.  I guess the short version of this is that our relationship is not very authentic.  We mostly talk about the weather and plants and such.  Approaching harder hitting topics seems pointless I guess.  She doesn’t really listen.  She sees the world a certain way and don’t try to argue with that because you won’t get anywhere anyway.  I don’t think any of her relationships are very authentic.  It’s sort of like the real her is trapped inside a bubble that she sealed off in childhood sometime?  I don’t know.

But I feel guilty about my anger toward her because she has done a lot for me, at least physically and financially anyway, emotionally, not so much.  But I have to suppress this anger toward her when I’m around her because if I do not, then of course I am a bad daughter.  I’m such a bad daughter.  This is something that I have internalized rather than it being an outward message that I received.  Giving approval wasn’t really something that either of my parents were capable of.  The disapproval was more subtle however.  But being the annoyingly sensitive kid that I was, I felt it quite palpably.

But listening to Dr. Mate, I now feel that I can cut myself some slack.  Pretending to be happy when you are not is super unhealthy.  Being self-sacrificing is a bunch of unhealthy crap.  Do you really like people who play the martyr anyway?  I do not.  The guilt and shame inducing aspects of this way of being outweigh any benefit it may have in my view anyway.

I’m still not sure how to deal with my mom however.  Perhaps the answer will come to me?  Avoidance has always seemed like the best option to me.  But we have some gawdawful trip planned in July where I will have to spend a whole week with her in a place where I will have no real place to retreat to.  Ugh.  I am not looking forward to that.

In this video, Dr. Gabor Mate draws the connection between self-sacrificing people who do not express their authentic feelings and how this relates to illness and death.  It is worth listening to if you have the time my friends.



Blogging Community : Blockchain Style

So I’ve been spending more time poking around the website.  This is a blogging and blockchain based website that encourages its members to take ownership in the site and the quality of the content that is presented on it.  And ideally it would allow the people creating content to profit from this content, unlike Facebook, where pretty much all profits are fed into the corporate structure of Facebook itself.

I say ideally because well, it falls short of this mark in a lot of ways.  But it is good that this ideal is ultimately at the heart of the site and that the potential for it to better evolve in this direction exists.  One of the benefits of blockchain is that it is always evolving and that the community in general has more say in the direction of the site.  If you want to have even more influence, learn how to write blockchain programs.

Do we all have this vision of how our blogs will create some kind of utopian community where blogging friends come together and do a happy dance and such?  I know I do.  I know this is pretty unrealistic, but it’s still there in the back of my mind nonetheless.

So here is just a typical example of a post that you might find on Steemit.  This just happened to be the first post that I saw when I logged in to the website today.

It is about a meetup that users in Malaysia had.  Doesn’t it look like fun?



Blockchain? Cryptocurrency? Decentralization? Digital Gold Rush? A video for total newbies to the subject.

As a Myers Briggs intuitive I am always wondering what is next?  And also trying to see ways that the problems of today can be solved.

This video is long but it explains why we should all be paying attention to cryptocurrency and blockchain in plain and simple language.


I spent some time on a blogging platform called Steemit that is based on blockchain technology about two years ago.  I didn’t really understand the system very well but I was intrigued.  I signed back on to it yesterday to see what changes have been made to the platform.  There have been a lot of changes, some good and some not so good.

If you want to get a hands on introduction to blockchain and cryptocurrency this is an easy and free place to start.  It is a community of bloggers which is something I’m pretty sure most of you are already familiar with so you will have some clue what’s going on, right?  See, you’re already semi-experts.  Congratulations!

Meditation Woes

So I fell off the meditation wagon.  A family member was visiting and I forgot one day to meditate because I didn’t have the time or privacy.  Then I figured my streak was over.  I had made it all the way to day 173 and poof I was back to day 1 again.  So I guess this model was not working for me.  I felt like it was a good way to feel like I was climbing my way up only to fall off of a cliff.

I was meditating first thing in the morning so I would know that was crossed off of my list and my brain could forget about it for the rest of the day.  But I really didn’t like doing it first thing in the morning.  I need to find a better way to integrate it into my life.  I haven’t figured that out yet.

I haven’t meditated for 12 days now and I’m already feeling a bit emotionally unbalanced.  Perhaps this is reflecting in the people around me?  My husband has been extra annoying over the last couple of days.  Everything out there is a reflection of what’s inside?

Meditation is fun.  Meditation is fun.  Meditation is fun.

I will get back to it.