Are you an isolated examiner of reality or a nutty conspiracy theorist?


It’s almost 5 am.  I couldn’t sleep so I came on here.  I was thinking of making a YouTube video for my rather sad YouTube channel but as usual my thoughts are too scattered for that.  I had three subscribers for my channel, but it dropped back down to two.  My YouTube channel sucks so I will not link to it here.  There really isn’t much there and I haven’t posted anything for over a year.  I wanted to say something about conspiracy theory on there but – bleh – the very mention of the phrase “conspiracy theory” makes people tune out – as it was designed to.  None of my other five or so videos ever brought up conspiracy theory.  The other videos were talking about being an empath and Myers-Briggs stuff.

So I watch another YouTube channel called Quantum of Conscience, where a guy named Matt who has been on the conspiracy train for quite some time tries to make sense of the world.  His latest video was talking about how it is completely pointless to talk to people about “conspiracy theory” because they will almost always shut you down or tune you out, disappear, run the other way, get angry, change the subject, etc.  This has very much been my experience as well.  So on his channel he doesn’t talk as much about actual “conspiracy” any more as much as he tries to figure out what the next step is – yes, a person can travel down the conspiracy railroad for a long enough time to realize that we’re being lied to about almost everything – but then what?

Why do we, the “conspiracy theorists” realize this stuff that no one else sees or is interested in?  What should we do with this information?

And calling us “conspiracy theorists” is an insult – it’s meant to marginalize us and make us seem crazy and….meh.

Anyway, if my husband at least got it that would be awesome – but I don’t even have him as an outlet for this kind of discussion.  He thinks my interest in these types of subjects is a joke and makes me feel like a joke for having these interests.

I think it’s time to move to the next level.  What does that mean?  Why so many lies?  We’ll probably never understand that.  Maybe we should all focus on the positive but I don’t know, that just seems like another kind of brain washing tactic to keep everyone placated and docile.

All I know is that failing to express myself is not working for me.  But expressing myself can drive the few people that are in my life away.

That’s the latest and not so greatest.

So should I try to find some picture of the twin towers falling for better blog appeal?


The Unified Theory of Messed Up Health

So of course I’m running out of time so I will keep this short.

If you’ve read much of my blog you know that I am a bit obsessed about health information.  Why does the government want to kill us so much?  Ugh.  Huge topic I don’t have any hope of explaining.

How do I organize my thoughts around health?  Corporate America taints so much of the information that we receive – because being healthy should be cheap and that would make them go out of business.

Blah blah blah.  I guess I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything here – just give you a glimpse of how much I struggle in my mind.  I’m always trying to understand things in a world that doesn’t make any sense.  It’s not “conspiracy”, it’s just trying to organize my sense of reality in a way that…gives it purpose?

Anyway, just another ranting blog entry.

I hope all is well out there in blog land.  🙂

Still working on the time management in case you hadn’t noticed.




B Vitamins Update and Running Out of Time

Yo, the B vitamins that I was taking made me sweat all of the time and made me short of breath…so yeah…not taking those any more.  Synthetic vitamins, meh.  I know there are some B vitamins in my kombucha and somebody gave me some bee pollen which also is supposed to have them.  But how long before it degrades when in food form?

I am really trying to avoid most of the sugar that I was eating so that is helping to improve the energy levels.  Most of our sugar is now made from GMO beets and not sugar cane anymore, which is troubling.  I didn’t even know that until recently.  Glyphosate everywhere!!

I’ve been keeping track of my time and logging everything that I do and how long it takes.  This keeps me from wasting too much time but it also makes me feel like I’m running out of time all of the time.  Which, of course, we all are.  Everybody has got some dern health problem it seems…my younger brother is a mess healthwise.  Argh.

That’s all for now.  Tick tock.

Who Am I? Who Do I Want To Be?

It’s the new year and a lot of us are thinking about resolutions or not thinking about them – which is fine as well.

I find myself reassessing who I am, who I want to be, who I think I want to be, etc.  I am realizing that I don’t really want to be who I have thought that I wanted to be for a long time.  Does that make any sense?  I don’t want to beat myself up expecting to be something that isn’t really going to make me happy.  For one thing, I’m not outgoing.  And I find that most people just don’t care that much about anyone?  At least not in anything more than a superficial way.  Am I wrong?  I’m not even trying to sound pessimistic, that’s just the way it is.

It’s just a sign of the times?  Everyone is just too stressed out with their own crap to really care about anyone else?  And it’s pointless to expect anyone to give much of a crap about you.

Maybe it’s just getting older and seeing several people die this year rather unceremoniously. Will anyone miss me when I die?  Why does it even matter?  We all get forgotten eventually.

How am I going to make it through the rest of this life with the personality that I’ve got?  It’s more a matter of survival at this point.

I don’t really think I can change who I am at my core.  I don’t even really want to anymore.

Know thyself.

Thanks for stopping by.

B Vitamins are Confusing


In an attempt to regain energy, I’m dipping my toes back into the world of B Vitamins and busting out the ignored bottles that are in the vitamin drawer.

So I think I got so confused and my energy levels were so all over the place before, mostly low, that I gave up on figuring out the vitamins for a while.

I really want to find myself a super smart doctor and not a mainstream one that is useless for helping me figure out the annoying problems that I have.

I changed my primary care doctor.  My new doctor has a very thick accent and mostly seemed interested in getting me out of the consultation room as quickly as possible.  I wasn’t impressed with her.

So just as a Public Service Announcement – all B vitamins are not necessarily good for all people.  There is a gene called MTHFR – and yes, to me it seems like a motherf…er if you’ve got it.  If you have this gene, folic acid may not be good for you.  It may be toxic for you because your body cannot properly synthesize it.  You may want to take methylfolate instead, but you should consult your physician and yadda yadda yadda because what do I know, eh?  It can make things like autism, etc. worse, cause fatigue, etc.

Much of our food supply is enriched with folic acid so it can be pretty hard to avoid.

Also, cyanocobalomin, the synthetic form of B12, breaks down partially into cyanide – which is not something you want in your body, so methylcobalamin may be mo betta foe you.  But hey, consult a random website or your doctor as a more reliable source of information.

I feel like nobody has really studied vitamins and how they affect us long term, so it’s all just a big experiment – much like our overall health care system.

I’m taking lower doses of the vitamins and spacing them out more.  That seems to be working so far.  Time will tell.

Be careful with the B vitamins, because I took a B-Complex one time and felt like I was having a mental break down for the whole day.  Not fun.

I do not endorse the brands in this picture.  I’m just trying to make my blog more purdee, I mean visually appealing.

I really would like to become some kind of health consultant coach, but hmm…obstacles…easily discouraged…husband disapproval…need to get me a pair.  And yes, I haven’t forgotten about all of my Alzheimer’s resolutions.

Happy impending New Year!

Random Blog Thoughts

Someone left me a helpful comment about how I should write my personal thoughts in a private journal and write more generally helpful-type information in this blog.  Is that what y’all want?  or what y’un want?

Do I give too much unsolicited advice?  Nobody really follows unsolicited advice, do they?  It is pointless to dole it out to people.  I don’t listen to unsolicited advice.  Let’s face reality.  Everyone hates that crap, am I right?  But then we still try to offer it up, don’t we?

Anyway, is that too personal?  Not helpful enough?

I’ve been feeling very tired lately.  I started taking this hydrolyzed collagen supplement stuff in a feeble attempt to stave off the wrinkles and perhaps that’s what started the downward spiral?  Vanity will lead to no good I guess.

To be a woman, we are always judged by our looks, and men make some of the nastiest comments about how women look.  Am I wrong?  Men are just sort of nasty to one another in general.  So I wouldn’t want to be a man, but, ugh, to be totally judged, valued or devalued by wrinkles, flab, gray hair – it’s just balls.

Trying to reconnect with people from the past was a bad idea.  It wasn’t a horrible idea, just not a great one.

Can I think of a way to end this blog on  a high note?  Cats are cute.  Lemons are good.  Kombucha helps with low energy, at least for me it does – this is not unsolicited health advice.  Rain is also nice.



Series – Soul Food Shows for INFJ : Rectify

I have a hard time finding shows that I really like watching these days so I thought I would share some of the ones that I really like with y’all.

Rectify is available on Netflix so you can actually watch this one.  Should I recommend shows that aren’t readily available on some streaming service?  Would that be annoying?  Probably.  Perhaps later.

Rectify follows the story of a man who is released from death row 20 years after a wrongful murder conviction.  The writing and storytelling are excellent.  But it is a pretty dark family drama that may not be everyone’s cup of tea.  For some reason I love dark family drama.  It is my soul food.  The more realistic the better.

I just watched the trailer for this again and yes, it may scare you off, or draw you in.

Perhaps this second video will convince you one way or another.

If you think of any shows that you would recommend that might fit my preferred watching, drop me a notey note in the commentos.

Do any of you like the dark family dramas?